So, my final exam ; SPECTACULAR of English conversation 318 has finished. I had my hang-out show with many lovely companies yesterday :) It was so much fun and interesting with full of laughter.
These are some photos of yesterday's show.
Q came to my place and did our 'spectacular' together. And beautiful girls who have done interesting show about 'Lookism' came over to my place after their show and had a little chit-chat time :)
Omigosh..
How can I explain this feeling !!!
We(our English conversation 318-04 class) had little vocab quiz today so that was the very last time we were all together..
When Jeff, who has been and will be an awesome captain of our English 318 class forever said "Okay, bye.", I was just about to cry and I saw some tears from other girls!!!
I've never felt like this before.. It just doesn't make sense..
How could it be so difficult to say good-bye when one class, semester's finished..
It was literally 'for the first time in forever'..
Aww.. I had so much fun, and it's been rewarding.
I learnt a lot from Jeff since I'm dreaming of being a good educator, I got so many ideas from Jeff.
I'm sure I'm going to be in touch with all the members of our class :)
Even though I'm very sad.. I still have to do what I have to,
so ! the summary of my show is,
[Misconceptions and truths about Korea]
and there were 4 questions.
1. Do we really eat dog meat?
2. Do Koreans get plastic surgeries a lot?
3. Are Korean women submissive?
4. Do Koreans like to get along with Koreans?
Here's are comprehensive opinions from our show.
1. We used to eat dog meat when the time Korea was really poor.
And there are still people who eat dog meat or stew made out of dog meat to enhance their stamina. But it's rear. And it seems like to be thought as disgusting thing to 'eat' a dog in our generation.
2. There were 2 girls (including myself lol) who ever got plastic surgery among 6 girls from last talk show. So it seems like it's true that Koreans get plastic surgery. But as you can see not everyone, not a lot. According to the girls talk show about 'lookism' which was done next to my turn, it's kind of important to have good looking in Korea. Good looking has become one of a good qualifications for our resume for job-searching. So it's true that we are considering getting plastic surgery to get a good job or better appearance but not everyone is getting it and it's still difficult decision to make.
3. Dongmin (one of the participants from yesterday) said "NOPE" as soon as I popped this question lol. Are Korean women submissive? When Korea was Choseon dynasty (1392~1910), we were highly influenced by Confucian ideas. And according to Confucianism, Women have to support men, men can't go into kitchen, do the chores.. kind of like that. So male sex was considered as more important than female sex. Since my grandmothers generations were influenced by that Confucianism, they are very submissive. They babysat by themselves and did all the chores. But now, it's 2014. Women powers are getting stronger, right? so are in Korea as well. So, we are not submissive I think, but we do respect men :)
4. It's true that hanging out with companies who came from each others' countries makes us feel relaxed and comfortable. Because we can understand each others' better. Maybe that's the reason why foreigners can see many Koreans getting along with themselves. And being afraid of talking in English can be one of the reason as well. We have some idea that speaking English not perfectly is kind of embarrassing. Koreans like perfection. I think we are on our way to change our thoughts but it's still difficult to raise our hands and speak loudly. Anyway.. so, we can't say it's Korean thing to get along with someone who came from each others' countries, right? Because I'm sure everyone will enjoy spending time with homies :)
Okay! So that was pretty much about last night.
I'll keep on posting on my blog. It became my precious asset :)
I'm looking forward to meeting our companies from Eng318 in another class next semester.
Aww.... I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I'M CRYING !!! NOOOOO
T_T had so much fun with you guys,
love you so so so much, please let's keep in touch..
image from Evan and Rachel's Youtube clip. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tb4g-35nah8)
Welcome :+:..:+:..December..:+:..:+:! I just noticed there are only 3 more weeks left to the winter vacation. (2 more weeks to final exams :0) And I'm happy to prepare this final spectacular through out this blog. I'm sure it's been an amazing journey and I'm more than excited we're about to have a final 'spectacular', not final 'exam' ! yay :D
So, for my final spectacular, I want to talk about 'South Korea(n), misconceptions and truths'. I'm sure you guys have heard "Oh Korea(n) ! You must be~~, or, It must be~~~ " at least once from foreigners. Yes I want to talk about that kind of misconceptions (it might be turn out as truths, though.) and hear some thoughts from you guys.
Outline will be like below.
Short introduction of myself
Own opinions and stories about Korea(n).
Answering to few interesting misconceptions about Korea.
Sharing our stories and solving misconceptions about Korea(n).
So !
This Grace Lee, I'm South Korean. I'm a student of Busan University of Foreign Studies, majoring Japanese and English. Obviously, I'm interested in languages and different cultures, so, that's why I chose this topic to talk about for this final spectacular.
As a student who's majoring languages, I've had many chances to meet foreigners, have opportunity to be friends with them and visit their countries. So I've been receiving many questions about Korea and Korean and I want to tell you about my 'own' ; personal opinions and stories to that questions.
1. "Grace.. do you really 'eat' dog meat?!"
Oh my goodness, no ! I've never eaten. No one will invite you for dinner and serve you a 'dog meat'. I know There are some records of people eating it thousands of years ago in Korea, when the country was extremely impoverished. And there are still few people, usually older gentlemen, eat a stew ; called 'boshintang' made out of dog meat to enhance stamina and virility. But it's rear. I've never met young girls and boys who like to eat dog meat. They will be disgusted if they were asked that they eat dog meat.
2. "You know, Koreans get along mostly with Koreans.."
Why is that..? I've received this questions quite a lot. I don't know why but I think we do. Of course I like to hang out with foreigners and I'm sure Koreans who are living in foreign countries would love to make foreign friends. But it's true I feel more comfortable when I'm with Koreans because we can understand each others better. And regardless of nationality, wouldn't it be more relaxing to get along with people who are from same country with ourselves? But still 'yes', I can easily find out Koreans get along with Koreans in other countries and I feel we tent to hang out with ourselves compare to other nationality.
3. "Korean girls are beautiful! Well.. you guys get plastic surgeries a lot, right?"
To be honest, I think it's highly considered to get a plastic surgery in Korea. I saw one survey conducted by online job portal career, found that 30 percent of male and female university students in Korea plan to get some kind of plastic surgery during their summer vacation. Because the unemployment problem is serious in Korea so undergraduate students try hard to get better qualifications for job-searching. And nice looking definitely has become important as one of the qualifications at the moment.
Yes I think we can't deny there are many people got plastic surgery. But that doesn't mean that most of Korean girls just do it for their beauty but it's still not an easy thing to decide to us(Korean girls) and obviously most of Korean girls haven't gotten one.
Questions above were I was usually asked from foreigners about Korea and Korean. I want to hear some opinions to those questions from you guys so I'll look forward to having you in my Hangout show ! :)
And next, I want to introduce someinteresting misconceptions about Korea(n)and answer it. FYI, answers are going to be my personal opinions but I did ask my friends for their ideas so I'm sure it's quite universal as well.
1. Korea is underdeveloped country?
I think this misconception is made because people don't have an idea what Korea is like inside. When Korean is on a foreign TV shows, no offense, I can find out that TV shows want Korean(or Asian) as a poor, pathetic character who just rescued from a war or an underdeveloped country. Actually it is true, short time ago, Korea was very underdeveloped. But it's industrialized, modernized and developed very rapidly so in these days, you can find modern cities, architecture and every modern convenience anywhere in Europe and America is in Korea. And the UN rates South Korea as the 15th best country to live in 2013's UNDP Human Development Index - higher than Japan's 17th ranking.
I want to show you guys one video about capital city of Korea, Seoul. And you'll see it's now quite developed and modernized. :)
2. It is such a dangerous country to live?
I understand people might think Korea is dangerous country to live because we're technically at war since North and South Korea never signed the peace treaty. But since 1953, there hasn't been a war and it's been the ceasefire. I've never felt it's dangerous to live in Korea, but rather I felt Korea is quite safe country from natural disaster likewise earthquakes, hailstones, floods. Of course we can't say it's 100% safe from war since we're at the ceasefire, but after that, there were only few small clashes.
3. We’re all big fans of K-POP?
I can easily find out people who don't watch Korean TV shows, don't listen to K-pop songs, I mean, who nearly hate K-pop things. I know K-pop is what everyone sees because our media highly promotes them. In my case, I'm one of them actually. I don't like Korean idols, boy bands, girl singers(we call them 'idol-girl-group') who shake their bodies doing lip-sync. So, obviously, not every Koreans are big fans of K-POP. There are so many artists who have really great songs and voices. But Korean entertainment management companies keep making boy,girl bands who have good looking because they want to make big money. (Asian market to K-pop is enormous.) I hope real good musicians in Korea will be more supported so that K-pop can be more various and colorful.
There are still many misconceptions about Korea and Korean behaviors. (Again, it can be turned out truth.) I want to talk about more on a our Hangout show which is coming on next Monday ; 8th, December ! So, Questions I mentioned above were,
Do Koreans really eat dog meat?
Do Koreans tent to get along mostly with Koreans?
Do Koreans get plastic surgery a lot?
Is Korea underdeveloped country?
Is Korea dangerous to live?
Are we all big fans of K-pop?
I'll be studying and researching more about this topic and will upload few extra interesting questions we can discuss about.
I hope I can hear some opinions from you. Please share your stories and thoughts about 'Misconceptions about Korea'. I'll be looking forward to it :)
If you asked me 'what do you mean by that? what love?', then I wouldn't know what to say. What kind of love.. right, what kind of love are you doing?
Have you ever watched the movie 'Love Actually' before? That movie starts with narration by Hugh Grant. He says 'you'll find that love actually is all around' at the end of his narration. I was just moved by that phrase but wasn't sure what that meant.
I used to think that 'love' was a word mostly applied for couples. Even though I did know that there's love between friends and family.
But after my working holiday in Australia, my idea of Love has completely changed. I want to tell you about my 3 stories about love to you guys.
1. Family, unconditional love.
I went to Australia to be an Au Pair. Au Pair is similar to nanny but it's a bit different since Au pair lives with host family and it's more about cultural exchange program. I wanted to learn English and the way western people lives. And most important thing was I love children so so much so that's the reason why I chose to be an Au Pair.
My host family in Australia was very lovely Christian family. Since I was Christian as well, I was more than happy to be with them. I learnt lots of things from them. They were praying all the time. Not only when we had a meal but also when kids were in trouble. It was very lovely and good example for me to think about my future family. For me, prayer was symbol of love. Because if I didn't care about someone, I couldn't pray for them.
For example, when we're about to eat something, eldest boy (his name was Zeke) asked us to tell everyone about 'today's good and bad things'. Zeke said "What was good and bad guys~?", then we started to share our story what happened today to everyone. It was impressive. Since I used to have dinner with silence atmosphere or little chat only with my mum, (Of course I love my father but he's very bold and typical Korean man. He just eats dinner and goes back to in front of TV..) it was nice and feeling warm thing to share each others' stories to rest of the family. Family shares everything, with no condition. That little thing happens on dinner table, grows to trust, faith for the family.
And when kids were in trouble, like, they fought each other or they got hurt, family were praying for them. As I was getting used to that situation, I could ask kids to pray for me when I got hurt. I still can't forget that youngest boy, Joel prayed for me when I injured my leg. He said "God, Grace's leg hurts. But thank you that it gets better. Amen!" with a lovely quiet baby voice.
So many stories with my host family in Australia. As time goes by, they became my Real family. I'll tell you more about my life in Australia on other posts.
But yes. My idea of love towards family has completely changed. Now I love my family even more than I did before. I can feel that. I couldn't imagine my love can be bigger than it used to be but it turned out it's possible. Maybe it's more proper to say that now I know how to love my family, how to show them I love them.
2. Friends, they're there for you before you're aware of them.
There are few people who I can call them as a friend of mine. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I'm sure you can not either, right?
'Life without friendships is the same as a world without the sun'. It's my favourite phrase about friendship. Maybe it's not difficult to get acquainted with people around us. But it is difficult to have a deep, serious relationship with them. We can't do that on purpose, by our intention. There's a relationship which just flows as a river, goes like a wind, becomes important.
First 3~4 months in Australia, I was in hardship. Getting used to unfamiliar environment was not easy of course but communicating with people who were grown in totally different culture was most difficult thing to me. It's going to be really long story to tell you all of it but I was unhappy for first few months.
In that period, my best friends in Korea tried really hard to cheer me up. They called and texted me everyday and let me know all of their stories happening in Korea. They supported me even though I was not with them for about 1 year. That's not easy I think. Because people have their own things. The wonderful thing that happens between good friends, they are there where they've been. There was nothing awkward when we finally reunited after a long time. I think that's it.
Friends, they're always there.
3. Nobody is perfect.
It does work because you can complementeachother.
There's a long history behind my boyfriend and I. I've crushed on him for nearly 3 years before we go out. He was my senior in my uni and we're doing same major. I met him when I was in 2nd year.
Most of my friends were really shocked when I let them know that I fancied him. They were always saying "Why Grace why?? You guys are so much different. It won't work out.". I was also curious about myself why I liked him so much. Yes we are really different. I'm really aggressive and enthusiastic on everything and I also like to plan something and do it. He's kind of passive and he doesn't like to plan something to do because it's going to be changed anyway.
I'm much more do-er, action-taker than him and he's more calm, relaxed than me.
At the first time, it was hard because we Were really different. Sometimes I thought that I just wanted to stop doing all these things because it was so tiring to make it work out. I was more "why don't you tell me about your feeling?" and he was more "Why do I have to tell you everything? If I can say everything by words then on the contrary, that means nothing.". I couldn't understand him. I think he couldn't either.
I did think 'Why I like him so much? I don't want to. It's too hard for me!!'. But I couldn't get myself sorted. I tried really hard to get over him but I just couldn't.
But after a long time, little by little, I found myself I was understanding him. I let thing be the way it was. Now I can see it. We Are very different so that makes it is able to work out. I can see what he can't and he can show the way I can't find.
Every friends of us was very shocked when we told them we decided to go out. They said that they couldn't imagine that we could be a couple. And I know what they meant. haha
But nobody's perfect, right?
Sometimes some couples we can pass by on the street make us curious in many ways about how they can be together. Sometimes I judged some couples by their appearances or their surrounding environments. But now I know after I experienced my situation with my boyfriend that they Are together because they can complement each other and that it really can work out.
Lastly, I want to introduce one of my favourite song.
I really sympathized with every single words of this song.
Adele - one and only
You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day
Lose myself in time just thinking of your face
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go
You're the only one that I want
I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forgive your past and simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
Have I've been on your mind, do you hang on every word I say
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go
I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
You'll never know if you never try
To forget your past and simply be mine
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart
I know it ain't easy giving up your heart
Nobody's perfect
(I know it ain't easy giving up your heart)
Trust me, I've learned it
So I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
So come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
Come on and give me a chance
To prove I am the one who can walk that mile
Until the end starts
[Korean]
지금, 사랑하고 계세요?
만약 저에게 '무슨 뜻인지 잘 모르겠어요, 어떤 사랑 말씀이세요?' 라고 물으신다면, 아마 저는 뭐라고 대답해야 할 지 어려워할 것 같아요. 어떤 사랑.. 맞아요, 어떤 사랑을 지금 하고 계신가요?
혹시 '러브 액츄얼리' 라는 영화를 보신 적이 있으신가요? 영화는 휴 그랜트의 나래이션으로 막을 열죠. 나래이션의 끝에서 그는 '사랑은 정말 어디에나 있다는 것을 알 수 있을 것이다.'라고 말해요. 정말 되게 감동적인 문구였지만 그게 어떤 뜻인지는 확실히 와닿지 않았던 기억이 나네요.
저는 '사랑'이라는 단어는 연인에게 주로 사용된다고 생각했어요. 물론 가족간의 사랑, 친구간의 사랑도 존재한다는 것을 알고는 있었지만서도요.
하지만 호주로 워킹홀리데이를 다녀온 후, 저에게 '사랑'이란 개념은 완전히 바뀌게 되었습니다. 그에 대해 저의 3종류의 이야기를 들려드리고 싶어요.
1. 가족, 무조건적인 사랑.
저는 '오페어'라는 일이 하고 싶어서 호주로 갔던 거였어요. 오페어는 유모와 비슷한 개념이지만 해당 가족들과 실제로 같이 산다는 점과 문화적 교류 차원이 크다는 점에서 내니와 다르다고 말씀드릴 수 있어요. 전 영어도 배우고 싶었고, 실제로 그들이 사는 생활방식도 알고 싶었어요. 가장 중요한건, 제가 아이들을 너무너무 사랑한다는 것이었죠. 그게 제가 오페어가 되려고 결심했던 가장 큰 이유인 것 같아요.
제가 호주에서 함께 지냈던 호스트패밀리는 굉장히 사랑스러운 기독교 가정이었어요. 저도 기독교인이기 때문에, 그런 가정을 만날 수 있었던 것에 굉장히 행복했어요. 전 저의 호스트패밀리(호팸이라고 칭할게요)와 함께 있으면서 정말 많은 것을 배웠어요. 호팸은 모든 일에 기도를 했어요. 우리가 밥을 먹을때는 물론이고 아이들이 문제가 생겼을때도 마찬가지였죠. 굉장히 따뜻했고, 저에게는 저의 미래의 가족관을 형성하는데에 무척 좋은 예가 되었어요. 저에게 있어 '기도'란 사랑의 표현이거든요. 누군가를 진심으로 위하지 않으면 그들을 위해 기도할 수 없다고 생각해요.
한 예를 말씀 드릴게요. 호팸과 제가 식사를 시작할때면, 우리에게 첫째아이(이름은 지키에요)가 '오늘의 좋은일과 나쁜일'에 대해서 물어봤어요. 지키는 '좋은일 나쁜일 말할 시간이야!'라고 말을 시작하면, 우리는 가족원들에게 각자 하루 있었던 일을 한명씩 차례대로 말하기 시작해요. 굉장히 인상 깊은 일이었어요. 전 가족과 저녁을 먹을때면 항상 조용한 분위기에서 먹거나 가끔 엄마랑만 짧게 수다를 떠는게 전부였거든요. (물론 전 아빠를 무척 사랑하지만, 아빠는 항상 강경하시고 전통적인 한국 아버지셨어요. 식사시간에는 정말 식사만 하시고 바로 텔레비젼 앞으로 향하곤 하셨죠.) 그래서 서로의 하루 있었던 일을 나머지 가족원들에게 공유한다는 게 굉장히 따뜻하고 좋게 느껴졌어요. 가족들은 조건을 따지지 않고 모든 것을 공유하잖아요. 그 저녁 밥상앞에서 일어나던 작은 일들이 서로간의 신뢰와 믿음으로 발전되고 있었어요.
그리고 아이들에게 문제가 생겼을때, 예를 들어 서로 싸웠다거나 아니면 다쳤다거나 할때도 호팸은 아이들을 위해서 기도해줬어요. 제가 그런 상황에 익숙해지다보니, 제 자신이 다쳤을때도 아이들에게 절 위해서 기도해달라고 말을 할 수 있더라구요. 아직도 잊을 수 없던 한 일화는, 제가 다리를 다쳤던 적이 있는데 그때 저희 막내 애기(이름은 조엘이에요)에게 기도해줘~라고 부탁했던 적이 있어요. 조엘은 "하나님. 그레이스 다리가 아파요. 하지만 점점 나아지게 해주셔서 감사합니다. 아멘!"이라고 굉장히 그 옹알거리는 애기 목소리로 귀엽고 사랑스럽게 기도해줬어요.
호주에서 우리 호팸과 지내는 동안 정말 많은 일들이 있었어요. 시간이 지나면서, 그들은 저의 진짜 가족이 되었어요. 그 많은 일화들은 다른 포스트에서 또 다루기로 할게요.
그치만 정말 맞아요. '가족'에 대한 제 사랑의 개념은 완전히 바뀌었다고 해도 과언이 아닐거에요. 전 지금 그 전보다 제 가족을 더 사랑하게 되었어요. 가족을 향한 사랑이 더 커질 수 있다고 생각하지 못했는데, 가능하더군요. 아마 '가족을 사랑하는 방법'을 터득했다고 말하는게 더 맞는 표현일지도 모르겠어요. 제가 그들을 얼마나 사랑하는지 보여주는 방법을요.
2. 친구들은 여러분이 알아 차리기도 전에 이미 여러분 옆에 와 있어요.
저는 제가 자신있게 '친구'라고 말할 수 있는 몇명이 있어요. 그 친구들 없는 제 인생은 생각할 수 조차 없어요. 아마 여러분도 그렇게 생각하실 거라 믿어요, 맞나요?
'친구들이 없는 인생은 태양이 없는 세상과도 같다'. 제가 가장 좋아하는 우정에 대한 명언이에요. 아마 주위 사람들과 적당히 친하게 지내는 것은 그리 어려운 일은 아닐 거에요. 하지만 그들과 깊고 진지한 관계를 맺는 것은 쉽지 않다는 걸 알아요. 일부러, 의도해서 그렇게 되기는 어렵잖아요. 그저 강물이 흐르듯, 바람이 불듯 중요해져가는 관계라는게 있듯이.
호주에서의 초반 3~4개월은 정말 힘들었어요. 물론 익숙하지 않은 환경도 그렇지만, 전혀 다른 문화권에서 자라온 사람들과 소통한다는 점이 저에겐 가장 어려운 부분이었네요. 다 말씀드리자면 글이 굉장히 길어질 것 같으니, 여기서는 그저 호주에서의 초반은 그다지 행복하지 못했다는 점만 말씀드리고 싶어요.
제가 정말 힘들었을 때, 한국에 있던 제 친한 친구들은 항상 절 응원해줬어요. 매일 전화해주고 문자해주고 오늘은 무슨 무슨 일이 있었다는 걸 당연하다는 듯 말해줬죠. 1년동안 함께 시간을 보내지 못했음에도 불구하고 항상 절 지지해줬어요. 쉽지 않은 일이라고 생각해요. 각자 자기만의 일이라는게 있으니까요. 좋은 친구사이의 멋진 부분은, 그들은 항상 원래 그 자리에 머물러 준다는 것이에요. 오랜 시간 후 제가 한국에 돌아와서 다시 친구들을 만났을때도, 전혀 어색함을 느끼지 못했어요. 그 자체가 모든 것을 설명해준다고 생각해요.
친구들은, 항상 그 자리에 있어요.
3. 세상에 완벽한 사람은 없어요.
서로 보완해주기 때문에 가능한 일이에요.
저와 제 남자친구 사이에는 정말 많은 일화들이 있어요. 사귀기 전, 저는 거의 3년동안을 저 혼자 좋아했어요. 오빠는 제 대학 같은과 선배였고 제가 2학년 때 처음 만났어요.
대부분의 친구들이 제가 오빠를 좋아한다고 했을 때 적지 않은 충격을 받았다고 해요. 친구들은 "왜 그레이스 왜!! 오빠랑 너는 너무 다르잖아. 어렵지 않을까.."라고 말하곤 했어요. 저 또한 궁금했어요, 왜 그렇게 오빠가 좋은지. 네 우린 정말 많이 달라요. 전 항상 적극적이고 열정적이고 계획을 세우고 실천해나가기를 좋아하는 사람이에요. 오빠는 적극적이면서도 약간 수동적이에요. 계획을 세워봤자 어차피 변경될 걸 알기 때문에 계획하고 행동하는 것을 별로 좋아하지 않아요. 저는 오빠보다 더 행동파이고, 오빠는 저보다 더 차분하고 조용한 편이에요.
사실 처음에는, 우리가 너무 달랐기 때문에 정말 힘들었어요. 가끔은 정말 서로에게 맞춰가는 이 지치는 모든 과정을 때려치우고 관둬버리고 싶다는 생각도 한 적이 있어요. 저는 약간 더 "왜 오빠 마음에 대해 말해주지 않아?"라는 식이었고, 오빠는 "왜 다 말을 해야해? 말로 다 할 수 있는거면 오히려 무의미 한 거 아닐까."라는 식이었어요. 저는 이해할 수 없었어요. 아마 오빠도 절 이해하기 힘들었을 거라고 생각해요.
전 '난 왜 이렇게 오빠가 좋은걸까. 그러고 싶지 않은데. 너무 힘들기만 한데.'라고 생각하면서도 마음을 정리할 수가 없었어요. 정말 많은 노력을 했지만 결국엔 할 수 없는 제 자신을 발견하곤 했어요.
오랜 시간이 흐른 후, 정말 조금씩 천천히 그를 이해하게 되었어요. 그냥 모든 것들을 내려놓게 되니 서서히 보이기 시작하더라고요. 우리는 정말 다르죠, 그렇기 때문에야 말로 이 관계가 유지 가능했던 거란 걸 알게 되었어요. 전 오빠가 보지 못하는 부분을 볼 수 있었고, 오빠는 제가 찾지 못하는 길을 제게 보여줄 수 있는 사람이에요.
오빠와 제 친구들은 저희가 사귀게 됐다고 알리고 난 후에 굉장히 놀랐다고들 말해요. 오빠와 제가 사귄다는 것 자체가 상상할 수 없었다고 하더라고요. 전 무슨 말인지 충분히 이해할 수 있었죠 헤헤.
하지만, 세상에 완벽한 사람은 없어요. 그렇지 않나요?
가끔 우리는 길가다 마주치는 커플들을 보며 왜 저 둘이 사귀는지 의문을 가질 때가 있어요. 가끔은 저도 그들의 외모라던가 주변 환경을 가지고 판단한 적이 있어요. 하지만 전 오빠와의 일련의 일들을 겪고 난 후에서야 비로소 이해할 수 있게 됐어요. 그들은 서로를 보완해줄 수 있기 때문에, 함께할 수 있는 거란걸요.
마지막으로, 제가 좋아하는 노래 중 하나인 이 곡을 소개해드리고 싶어요.
이 모든 가사 하나 하나가 제 심금을 울렸답니다.
Adele - one and only
You've been on my mind, I grow fonder every day
당신은 제 마음 속에 있었어요. 당신에 대한 제 감정은 매일 커져가네요.
Lose myself in time just thinking of your face
시간이 가는 줄도 모르고 그저 당신의 얼굴만 생각하고 있어요.
God only knows why it's taken me so long to let my doubts go
오직 신께서만 아시겠죠. 제 의심이 사라지는데 왜 이렇게 긴 시간이 걸렸는지.
You're the only one that I want
당신은 내가 원하는 오직 단 한사람이에요.
I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
내가 왜 겁이 나는지 모르겠어요, 이전에도 겪어봤던 일인데.
Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all
모든 감정, 모든 단어들, 그 모든 것을 상상해 왔어요.
You'll never know if you never try
당신이 시도하지 않으면 절대 알 수 없을 거에요.
To forgive your past and simply be mine
당신의 과거는 잊고 그냥 제게로 오는 것을요.
I dare you to let me be your, your one and only
감히 당신이 날 허락하게 할게요. 당신의 단 하나뿐인 사람으로.
Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms
약속해요 저는 당신의 품에 안길만한 가치가 있어요.
So come on and give me a chance
그러니 어서 내게 기회를 주세요.
To prove I am the one
제가 단 한 사람이라는 것을 증명할 수 있도록.
who can walk that mile until the end starts
끝이 시작될 때까지 그 먼길을 걸어갈.
If I've been on your mind
만약 제가 당신의 마음속에 있어왔다면
you hang on every word I say
당신은 내 말 하나 하나에 귀를 기울이고
Lose yourself in time at the mention of my name
나의 이름을 듣는 그 시간속에 당신을 잃어버리게 되죠
Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close
제가 언젠가는 알게 될까요? 당신을 가까이 안으면 어떤 기분일지.
And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go
그리고 당신은 내게 답을 줘야만 해요. 내가 어떤 길을 선택하더라도, 함께 갈 것인지.
I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before
